i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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