I want to walk on stilts...naked
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize