It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
