At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
