I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
