i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
