I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
