we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
