You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
