Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
