Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
