Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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