Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
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Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize