I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
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We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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