I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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