If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I could make wine with my vomit
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
