So drunk its hurt
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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