i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
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Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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