how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
