Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Rumble strips road head = magical
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
