would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
