Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
