there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
