Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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