Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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