fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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