I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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