drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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