what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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