I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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