I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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