she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Princesses don't give blow jobs
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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