OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My vagina is very pro this idea
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
