we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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