My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
