Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize