I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
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And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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