Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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