Who did Billy Mays play for?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
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i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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