um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
