I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
