why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
