do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
