sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
