Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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