I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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