I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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