Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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