I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
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You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
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But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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