if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
