ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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