Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.