Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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