Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
