I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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