guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
