dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
