shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
