All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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